Recently, I was confused by some social problems in Tokyo because a few married Japanese’s guys ran after me. I asked myself, am I that attractive to them? If not, what made them aggressively run after me?
It shocked me when I found they were enthusiastic in private ambiguous messages and sent over some photos of their private life from time to time. I can be so sure that it did not affiliate with my appearance, my dress up or my hair style. To find out the reason, I have drafted myself a sum up for a better analysis.
I wrote down the places of our first meeting; how many times of gathering we have had? What did we do in the meeting? The marriage status of them and the marriage norm in Tokyo. After reading the analysis, I still have no clue why it raised the problem, this is because I actually didn’t know them well, I just knew a preliminary family background of them and that was all the information that I had!
Ask Japanese for problem help is not a right way to go
Oh, well! I told myself there might be somebody who can help me out from this problem! Therefore, I asked a 50s year old Japanese woman, who was a teacher from my Japanese business language class. Regarding my doubt, she gave me a bright answer that I have never thought of!
She said that shouldn’t be a surprise to me because I am a foreign lady who speaks fluent English. Besides, she said Japanese guys also like to assume that foreign ladies are mostly open to sex. Therefore, they just want to try me out! She added that Japanese guys will have nothing to lose even if they were refused by women!
Oh, that is right! My teacher’s saying lighted me up a little. However, I re-stated to her that the fact that I wanted to dig out was ‘What happened to those married Japanese guys in Tokyo?’
I told her that I felt weird about these married guys’ acts and I felt that they should often run after women because it seems that they felt no guilt to their life partners at all!
My teacher became silent.
Although I didn’t get an answer from her, I didn’t give up and I visited another two best friends of mine, an old Japanese couple who are about 70 years old, in another week. I told them the thing I was confused with. However, after my Japanese teacher, they were the second one who disappointed me again because they didn’t give me any specific answers either. I know that the only way to free myself from these weird Japanese guys is to ignore their messages; however, it doesn’t mean that my doubt was being solved.
Watch reality reflect movie helps
One day, I watched a Netflix movie called ‘The Sex & Love Around the World’ and coincidentally, one of the cities they filmed about was Tokyo. The movie has taken a closer look at love in Tokyo. They explored sexless marriages, sexual or intimacy needs of men and women in the city.
In the movie, the reporter, Christiane, has explored sexless marriages. In the Tokyo part, she has invited a group of young married women for an interview and those women were cheating behind their life partners.
Christiane asked them a couple of questions and tried to understand the reason why they cheat behind their partners. Was that because they were not happy in their marriage? Or, their life partners cannot satisfy them from the sex aspect?
One of the married women confessed with ‘Yes’. She was cheating because she had no sex life with her husband since gave birth to children. She said a married woman also has physiological needs and she felt a very lonely heart. Since then, she was having an extra-marital affair with another married guy.
The reason behind cheating
The cheating rate of men and women is similar and very high in Tokyo. One of the reasons why Japanese woman cheat is because their status still in a very low position and they have less opportunities to get a managerial level or a high pay job in the city; therefore, they marry a guy who can give them a better life, such as someone who works in a big company or, having a higher salary package. As long as the husband regularly gave her the housekeeping money, she didn’t care about what her husband did outside the family.
Perhaps most of the marriages in Japan nowadays are just a survival tool for the younger generation. Married guys still can do whatever he wants because it doesn’t seem to matter to his wife. He can have different girlfriends from time to time and his wife also does the same. That’s why I said I felt those married guys seem to feel no guilt to their life partners at all!
How was a black guy get married with a Japanese woman
Few months after the movie, I have visited a few non-Japanese friends of mine, they are from America and one of them is a black from California. The black guy is about 30s years old and he has got married to a Japanese woman. He has two kids, one is 3 and another one is about 1 year old.
When I looked at his children’s skin, it surprised me that the elder brother’s skin is black but the younger brother is yellow. I did not ask my friend because I can tell from his face that he was very proud of having two sons and he obviously likes the younger one much more.
I started to share with them about the movie. I told them what the message was from the movie and I asked my black guy friend for his comment and his answer surprised me. He said that he actually has the similar marriage status as the movie had taught. His wife doesn’t want to have sex with him after she gave birth to two children for him. After that, my friends and I both felt shocked and we became silent. At that time, I knew the reporter, Christiane, she didn’t lie to the audience! What a sad reality in Tokyo!
When we left the gathering on the way to the railway station, another friend of mine from America expressed to me that it was so sad to learn that the black guy, our friend, was having the same unfortunate encounter. He said he is just 30s and that will be too early for him to look for an extra-marital affair, especially when we know that he wants to become a happy family man!
This article was first published on 10.8.2020
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